These Words shared by My Parent Which Helped Me during my time as a Brand-New Dad

"In my view I was merely just surviving for a year."

One-time reality TV star Ryan Libbey thought he would to cope with the difficulties of being a father.

Yet the reality soon turned out to be "utterly different" to his expectations.

Serious health problems around the birth saw his partner Louise admitted to hospital. All of a sudden he was thrust into becoming her main carer while also looking after their newborn son Leo.

"I was doing every night time, every nappy change… each outing. The job of mother and father," Ryan explained.

After eleven months he burnt out. It was a conversation with his father, on a bench in the park, that made him realise he couldn't do it alone.

The simple statement "You are not in a good spot. You need support. How can I help you?" opened the door for Ryan to talk openly, seek support and find a way back.

His experience is not uncommon, but rarely discussed. Although people is now more accustomed to talking about the strain on mothers and about postpartum depression, far less attention is paid about the struggles dads face.

Asking for help is not weak to request support'

Ryan feels his struggles are linked to a wider reluctance to communicate amongst men, who often absorb harmful notions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the fortress that just gets hit and doesn't fall time and again."

"It isn't a display of being weak to ask for help. I didn't do that quick enough," he explains.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist who studies mental health before and after childbirth, explains men frequently refuse to acknowledge they're struggling.

They can believe they are "not a legitimate person to be seeking help" - particularly in preference to a new mother and infant - but she highlights their mental well-being is equally important to the unit.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad provided him with the space to request a respite - going on a short trip away, outside of the domestic setting, to gain perspective.

He understood he had to make a shift to consider his and his partner's feelings in addition to the logistical chores of looking after a newborn.

When he was honest with Louise, he realised he'd overlooked "what she needed" -holding her hand and hearing her out.

Reparenting yourself'

That realisation has reshaped how Ryan views parenthood.

He's now penning Leo weekly letters about his experiences as a dad, which he hopes his son will read as he grows up.

Ryan thinks these will enable his son better understand the vocabulary of emotional life and interpret his parenting choices.

The concept of "self-parenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen was without consistent male guidance. Despite having an "amazing" bond with his dad, profound difficult experiences caused his father had difficulty managing and was "present intermittently" of his life, making difficult their connection.

Stephen says bottling up feelings led him to make "bad actions" when younger to modify how he felt, seeking comfort in substance use as escapism from the anguish.

"You turn to substances that aren't helpful," he notes. "They can briefly alter how you feel, but they will ultimately cause more harm."

Strategies for Managing as a New Dad

• Share with someone - if you feel swamped, tell a friend, your spouse or a professional about your state of mind. This can to reduce the stress and make you feel less isolated.
• Maintain your passions - keep doing the activities that made you feel like the person you were before becoming a parent. This might be exercising, socialising or gaming.
• Pay attention to the body - eating well, physical activity and where possible, getting some sleep, all play a role in how your mind is doing.
• Connect with other parents in the same boat - hearing about their journeys, the messy ones, and also the good ones, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Remember that asking for help is not failure - taking care of your own well-being is the most effective way you can support your loved ones.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen naturally found it hard to accept the passing, having not spoken to him for a long time.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's resolved not to "continue the chain" with his child and instead offer the security and emotional guidance he did not receive.

When his son threatens to have a tantrum, for example, they try "releasing the emotion" together - managing the emotions safely.

Both Ryan and Stephen explain they have become more balanced, healthier men since they faced their issues, altered how they express themselves, and learned to manage themselves for their sons.

"I'm better… dealing with things and handling things," says Stephen.

"I put that down in a note to Leo recently," Ryan says. "I wrote, on occasion I feel like my purpose is to teach and advise you on life, but actually, it's a dialogue. I am discovering an equal amount as you are in this journey."